I recently did something that I haven't done in years. I shut down.
I powered through the Christmas season and the New Year, and came back to my University on January 2nd. I started to sleep full 8-9 hour nights and to watch movies without doing something in the meantime. I didn't do dishes for a few days. I sniff-tested clothing to avoid the laundry chore. I made boxed mac and cheese and ordered pizzas. I even called out of work one night because I was so comfortable at home that I decided to take a night off. I'm taking a class, and one day I paused for a half hour in my notetaking just to have the luxury of spacing out. I watched netflix online and even fell asleep with the laptop in bed with me once. I made cookies just to eat the dough, and forgot a batch in the oven. Fruit went bad in the crisper. I haven't been studying as hard as I should be.
I shut down. I am a shutter downer.
I've always gotten the "you're lazy" line from my parents, and it's true, for years I was a complete bum. But until my shut down last week, I never realized how un-lazy I had become since leaving home.
I took a four hour nap today (I know, fucking EPIC right??) and felt just gross and groggy afterwards. I came up off my shut down, I showered and did the dishes, the laundry, some groceries. I made a salad instead of mac for dinner. I put in my (overdue) preferences for work next semester, and started outlining my schedule complete with dates when bills are due (I'd....stopped paying a few....whoops).
So I'm back on now, I guess. Maybe I'll take it a little easier next time, try to avoid the need for such an epic period of laziness and frivolity. My problem is that when I turn on, I am balls-to-the-walls working hard, ownin' bitches, taking names.
I wrote that this year was going to be a hell of a new year, because I feel like I'm approaching some new juncture in my life. I'll be damned if I know what it is yet. But I feel an exciting chapter coming. I'm a year and a half (ish) away from finishing my time as an undergrad, looking into law schools and grad schools, working hard. I got the best grades I have gotten since middle school last semester, and I working fucking hard for it. I'm pleased, it's not perfect but I am pleased and that seems to be enough right now. My personal life is okay. It's not perfect either, but it's okay. Same with my family life, one day at a time is good enough. But I can see something exciting cresting on the horizon...I don't know what, but it's coming. That's enough for me, too.
The best I can do at this point is to look forward with resolve and joy and to own my life, in a way.
I powered through the Christmas season and the New Year, and came back to my University on January 2nd. I started to sleep full 8-9 hour nights and to watch movies without doing something in the meantime. I didn't do dishes for a few days. I sniff-tested clothing to avoid the laundry chore. I made boxed mac and cheese and ordered pizzas. I even called out of work one night because I was so comfortable at home that I decided to take a night off. I'm taking a class, and one day I paused for a half hour in my notetaking just to have the luxury of spacing out. I watched netflix online and even fell asleep with the laptop in bed with me once. I made cookies just to eat the dough, and forgot a batch in the oven. Fruit went bad in the crisper. I haven't been studying as hard as I should be.
I shut down. I am a shutter downer.
I've always gotten the "you're lazy" line from my parents, and it's true, for years I was a complete bum. But until my shut down last week, I never realized how un-lazy I had become since leaving home.
I took a four hour nap today (I know, fucking EPIC right??) and felt just gross and groggy afterwards. I came up off my shut down, I showered and did the dishes, the laundry, some groceries. I made a salad instead of mac for dinner. I put in my (overdue) preferences for work next semester, and started outlining my schedule complete with dates when bills are due (I'd....stopped paying a few....whoops).
So I'm back on now, I guess. Maybe I'll take it a little easier next time, try to avoid the need for such an epic period of laziness and frivolity. My problem is that when I turn on, I am balls-to-the-walls working hard, ownin' bitches, taking names.
I wrote that this year was going to be a hell of a new year, because I feel like I'm approaching some new juncture in my life. I'll be damned if I know what it is yet. But I feel an exciting chapter coming. I'm a year and a half (ish) away from finishing my time as an undergrad, looking into law schools and grad schools, working hard. I got the best grades I have gotten since middle school last semester, and I working fucking hard for it. I'm pleased, it's not perfect but I am pleased and that seems to be enough right now. My personal life is okay. It's not perfect either, but it's okay. Same with my family life, one day at a time is good enough. But I can see something exciting cresting on the horizon...I don't know what, but it's coming. That's enough for me, too.
The best I can do at this point is to look forward with resolve and joy and to own my life, in a way.
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