Here's some bullshit that's been bothering me for the past couple days:
A few days ago, I had something stolen from me. My mom had bought me these ridiculously awesome glittens (you know, those fingerless gloves with a flap to cover the top, disguising them as mittens? Glittens are the lovechild of gloves and mittens) because I have gotten frostbite at my job before. They were thick and well made, and I liked them because they were convenient for work and school.
They were stolen by a janitor, for god knows what reason. The good news is that I do have them back now, but for awhile I was pretty heartbroken.
I posed a question to a friend of mine as to why they would have been stolen, while allowing myself to be pissed off at the entire situation. His Answer? "Maybe they just see you as another rich white kid? You know, and like they can't afford mittens or whatever, and figure that if you're in college that mommy and daddy must be paying and that you can afford cold weather gear?" That's the running theory right now I guess, mostly because it makes me sympathize with the thief. But it does make me mentally uneasy.
Discrimination works in mysterious ways. Because I appear to be light skinned and go to college, ipso-facto I MUST have money. I've never fit a mold personally. I'm much "too angry" to be a proper girl (for my full feelings on why girls aren't allowed to be angry, see a later rant) and I am paying for my education with private loans in my name. People discriminate for god knows what reasons, I'm sure we could name billions, but I don't like the way I am supposed to be viewed or am actually percieved. I'm not rich, and as we're about to find out, may not actually be "white".
I posed this problem to my co-worker/acquaintance Bev (for future reference, Bev is Haitian). I told her all about the glittens and how angry to idea of being percieved as a rich white bitch made me feel.
"Hold up....you're white?!" Bev asked me, looking a little shocked.
I lifted up my work hat brim so she could see my face. For those who don't know me personally and can't see the photo on my page, here's my breakdown appearance wise: Dark hair with auburn undertones, dark brown eyes to the point where people have asked if they're black, stubby nose, and a skin color that ranges from an olive-y kind of tone in winter to tan/olive brown in summertime. "Yeah...I always thought I was white." That was all I could really come up with to say.
"Are you sure?" Bev obviously didn't believe me.
"I'm like...Greek?" I'm half greek, and the other half is some bastardized mix of Irish, French, and Ruthanian (small Ukranian nomadic tribe, possibly gypsies, who herd sheep or something in Western Europe).
"Nah, girl...you ain't white." Bev said, satisfied.
I have no idea what she meant by this, but here's what I think:
So lately I've been all hot and bothered thinking about racial constructs, what it means to be defined by "white", etc etc. I don't like the idea of defining myself, so I'll leave my personal color as "unknown". Growing up in suburban New Hampshire, I never actually considered how people percieved me, because my neighborhood was primarily if not completely composed of WASPs. I went to school and played with "white" kids. According to most government surveys, I qualify as "Caucasian, non-hispanic". But what does that even mean to me?
To summarize: I don't want to/don't feel that I have to identify with an ethnic group. I don't feel "white" in the sense in which many people use it. A few people I've spoken to think that Bev was paying me a compliment, in that she was identifying with me being part of the "non-white" sphere.
If I figure this out anytime soon, I'll post again on race, although discriminatory practices are ancient (if you don't believe me, look up the roots of the word "barbarian" and the ancient greek term "barbaroi") and nobody seems to have solved any major problems, so I seriously doubt I'll get far. Just something I've been musing on, felt the need to share.
If you want to get yourselves all hot and bothered about racism or discrimination, feel free. Even if it gets you riled up or you hate me for how I feel, at least you're thinking about it. I did that much.
A few days ago, I had something stolen from me. My mom had bought me these ridiculously awesome glittens (you know, those fingerless gloves with a flap to cover the top, disguising them as mittens? Glittens are the lovechild of gloves and mittens) because I have gotten frostbite at my job before. They were thick and well made, and I liked them because they were convenient for work and school.
They were stolen by a janitor, for god knows what reason. The good news is that I do have them back now, but for awhile I was pretty heartbroken.
I posed a question to a friend of mine as to why they would have been stolen, while allowing myself to be pissed off at the entire situation. His Answer? "Maybe they just see you as another rich white kid? You know, and like they can't afford mittens or whatever, and figure that if you're in college that mommy and daddy must be paying and that you can afford cold weather gear?" That's the running theory right now I guess, mostly because it makes me sympathize with the thief. But it does make me mentally uneasy.
Discrimination works in mysterious ways. Because I appear to be light skinned and go to college, ipso-facto I MUST have money. I've never fit a mold personally. I'm much "too angry" to be a proper girl (for my full feelings on why girls aren't allowed to be angry, see a later rant) and I am paying for my education with private loans in my name. People discriminate for god knows what reasons, I'm sure we could name billions, but I don't like the way I am supposed to be viewed or am actually percieved. I'm not rich, and as we're about to find out, may not actually be "white".
I posed this problem to my co-worker/acquaintance Bev (for future reference, Bev is Haitian). I told her all about the glittens and how angry to idea of being percieved as a rich white bitch made me feel.
"Hold up....you're white?!" Bev asked me, looking a little shocked.
I lifted up my work hat brim so she could see my face. For those who don't know me personally and can't see the photo on my page, here's my breakdown appearance wise: Dark hair with auburn undertones, dark brown eyes to the point where people have asked if they're black, stubby nose, and a skin color that ranges from an olive-y kind of tone in winter to tan/olive brown in summertime. "Yeah...I always thought I was white." That was all I could really come up with to say.
"Are you sure?" Bev obviously didn't believe me.
"I'm like...Greek?" I'm half greek, and the other half is some bastardized mix of Irish, French, and Ruthanian (small Ukranian nomadic tribe, possibly gypsies, who herd sheep or something in Western Europe).
"Nah, girl...you ain't white." Bev said, satisfied.
I have no idea what she meant by this, but here's what I think:
So lately I've been all hot and bothered thinking about racial constructs, what it means to be defined by "white", etc etc. I don't like the idea of defining myself, so I'll leave my personal color as "unknown". Growing up in suburban New Hampshire, I never actually considered how people percieved me, because my neighborhood was primarily if not completely composed of WASPs. I went to school and played with "white" kids. According to most government surveys, I qualify as "Caucasian, non-hispanic". But what does that even mean to me?
To summarize: I don't want to/don't feel that I have to identify with an ethnic group. I don't feel "white" in the sense in which many people use it. A few people I've spoken to think that Bev was paying me a compliment, in that she was identifying with me being part of the "non-white" sphere.
If I figure this out anytime soon, I'll post again on race, although discriminatory practices are ancient (if you don't believe me, look up the roots of the word "barbarian" and the ancient greek term "barbaroi") and nobody seems to have solved any major problems, so I seriously doubt I'll get far. Just something I've been musing on, felt the need to share.
If you want to get yourselves all hot and bothered about racism or discrimination, feel free. Even if it gets you riled up or you hate me for how I feel, at least you're thinking about it. I did that much.
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